I was talking to a friend of mine who’s been in recovery for almost a decade about a “higher power” or God. I was saying that the whole 2+ years I had sober before I relapsed a few months ago I categorically denied any higher power or God.
I talked to him about giving it up, and all the other stuff that AA asks you to do. His reply is “Who the fuck cares if there’s a real God or not – it’s about acknowledging that you do not have control. What’s the worst that could happen? You die and realize there is no God. Who care’s.”
It’s kind of an ego thing too. I didn’t want to admit there were things I couldn’t control nonetheless that nearly everything I can’t control.
He’s right. It’s not about a Christian God or a whatever-type-of-religion God – it’s more about giving up control.
“I’ve given it up to God” or “Pray and you’ll feel better”.
I used to hate when people would say shit like that in meetings.
Now I understand. It’s about giving up control. I’ve been doing that lately, and I can’t believe it but it really feels good to let it go and “give it up”.
For now, I will continue believing in a high power. Do I believe there is a all seeing God who controls everyone and everything in the universe? Absolutely not. Same answer if someone asked me if I believed that Moses walked through water.
Just like I said in my last post, it just feels so good to give up control.
Sober Politico 